Okay, so technically his name is Byrd, not Bird. But still. They're pronounced the same, aren't they? Yes. Moving on.
My Career Management teacher is Mr. Byrd. We all call him Byrd behind his back, but if you address him as such (with no 'Mr.' in front), he gets severely pissed. I don't know why, so don't ask me. None of the other teachers have a problem with it: Mr. Phillip is Phil (or Philly, depending on your level of daring). Mr. Nauert is Nauert. Coach Wilson is Wilson.
Whenever he says something about his day (at the beginning of class, and he goes on for about fifteen minutes), he finishes with, "And that's my story, and I'm sticking to it." He always screws up the directions grammatically.
Segment: ... ,(IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS), ...
What, are we creating abstract art with our instructions now, Byrd? Blegh.
He thinks he's hilarious, and I guess he assumes we think so, too. He always laughs at his own jokes (yeah, not cool), and when he laughs, his eyes (covered by glasses that already make them look small and beady) scrunch up and become even smaller, and his mouth distorts into some odd shape that makes his teeth look narrower and pointier.
When he laughs, he looks like a rat.
Byrd is a rat. That is the point of this post.