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One of those crazy teen blogger types. Completely bribe-able with coffee. An INTP.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Top 10 Lies Teachers Have Told Me

We've all been lied to at some point or other: "Coffee will stunt your growth." "Santa won't bring you anything if you keep acting like that, you little shit." "I love you." Being lied to is a part of life, something you just have to get used to unless you're a character in a Ricky Gervais movie. As it turns out, our beloved teachers and educators (not always the same people, y'know) are no different than the rest of us when it comes to twisting the truth.

10. "No, Harry Potter does not relate to the standard curriculum in any way, shape, or form."
9. "Not to worry! Our cafeteria has many vegetarian options!"
8. "Of course immortals aren't real. Nothing lives forever."
7. "Our nation's founders were all good, Christian men."
6. "High school is difficult to adjust to."
5. "Former President Bush is an intelligent man."
4. "This won't be on the exam, so don't worry."
3. "Why, yes, this theorem has many real-life applications!"
2. "Sarcastic people never get far in life, Artemis."
1. "Of course I didn't vote for President Obama!"

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Uberman Sleep Schedule

I'm going to start this post with a few shamelessly "borrowed" quotes from Cracked.com, mmk? The writer of the 5 Ways to Hack Your Brain into Awesomeness post has phrased it so much better than I ever could:

"What if we told you there was a way to sleep for little more than two hours a day, and still feel more refreshed than taking a 12-hour siesta on a bed made entirely out of baby kitten fur?

"It's called the Uberman Sleep Schedule, and besides having a totally badass name, it's a way to get the maximum amount of essential sleep for your body without wasting hours of precious time you could be using to work or drink or farm for World of Warcraft gold. The schedule consists of taking six, 20-30 minute power naps, every four hours during the day. Of course, this new sleep pattern blows donkey-dick to get used to, but it's a price you have to pay to basically extend your waking life by several years.

"The best way to start it off is to just jump right in. Get to sleep at 8pm, set your alarm for 8:30. Get up, play some Call of Duty, sleep again at 12, alarm at 12:30, and so on. After three or four days of this you will start to get high as fuck because of sleep deprivation, and might just want to kill yourself, but don't do it! That would be absolutely counter-productive.
"By day 10 or so, your brain will say, 'Fuck! FINE, we'll do it your way,' and will adapt to your new superhuman sleep schedule."

So... yeah. This is what I'm doing! I'll be sleeping on the following schedule for the remainder of the summer, and if things go well, I'll continue on into the school year! (I'm perfectly capable of sleeping through lunch. Not like I haven't done it before, y'know?) The stuff inside the parentheses (in italics, for unnecessary emphasis) is my probable location on a school day.

Nap 1 3:00-3:30 AM (home)
Nap 2 7:00-7:30 AM (in the car)
Nap 3 11:00-11:30 AM (cafeteria)
Nap 4 3:00-3:30 PM (library/home)
Nap 5 7:00-7:30 PM (home)
Nap 6 11:00-11:30 PM (home)

According to what I've read on the subject (a great deal, incidentally), it's possible to move the beginning of the naps up to twenty minutes either way and not suffer any ill effects. It's skipping them that puts you in deep feces.

I anticipate our household will suddenly be spending a lot more on coffee.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

7 People Who Have Changed My Life

There are a lot of people who change your life every day. That obnoxious guy in third period made you roll your eyes, the stranger who almost ran over you made you give him the bird, and the cashier/bagger duo at Publix made you laugh at their antics.

However, these aren't the people I'm talking about. Although they influence you in some minuscule way or other, they don't have a lasting impression on you (or at least, they usually don't). No, in this post, I'm going to focus on the people who have changed the way I see myself and the world.

1. Katie Collins has made me closer to God. Whatever feelings of irritation I originally felt that she was so religious are now gone, permanently replaces with a deep feeling of gratitude. Without her, I would never have felt as close to God as I do now. We may have a few fuzzy differences in opinion when it comes to worship, prayer, and the like, but that doesn't matter in the long run: without her, I would never have even believed in God, and would have committed suicide last November when I was convinced there was nobody in the who gave a flying fuck about me. I thank Katie for assuring me that there's much more than a crowd of people who care about me: I've got the big guy in the sky on my side.

2. Ryan Philipp has made me love history. History's one of my passions now, but I would probably still think of it as boring if it weren't for Coach Phil. The first day of class, I thought, "Now this guy really loves history." Well, yeah, you say. He's a history teacher, for Christ's sake. Still, though, I was surprised by the way Phil (as we students affectionately call him) managed to be so enthusiastic about what I had, until that point, thought of as the one subject where even the teachers seem to have a bit of distaste for it. I became determined to figure out why this man was so interested in history, and I'm glad to say that I found some amazing things in my textbook. (Well, okay, in the lecture notes, seeing as we never used our textbook, but whatever.)

3. Gregory Onision has made me vegetarian. He was the first one to convince me that eating animals isn't only immoral, it's also not healthy. Through his videos on YouTube, I discovered things- over the course of a few days- it would have taken me months to find out any other way. His videos encompass a wide range of other things, too, so even when I'm not in the mood to be re-lectured on how meat isn't just murder, it's suicide, I can still have a challenging three and a half minutes, thinking logically about what he's said. Onision isn't preaching, he's informing. (Thank Merlin for that.)

4. Amy Gleaves, whether or not she meant to, made my life a living hell for a few months. I burned myself with matches and lighters (no scars are left from that, thank God), I couldn't concentrate on anything, and I had to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline four times over the course of three weeks. I finally found a way to literally move away from the situation, but being around her still hurts. I don't think this woman will ever fully understand the extent of the damage and havoc her presence wreaked on my body. I don't blame her 100%, but I know I will never- no matter what anyone says- be able to see her as an innocent bystander when it comes to my mental health.

5. Regina Spektor- yes, the singer- has inspired me to write music. I am teaching myself to play piano, and it's going pretty well, if I do say so myself. I'm in the process of adding music to my previously vocals-only songs. The amazing ReSpekt is not the only person responsible for my not-incredibly-sudden foray into the world of music, but she's definitely played a major role. Her music is very unique, and since I first heard a song by her, I've wanted to sound as great as she does (with my own style, of course).

6. Steve Reed gave me discipline. He is, quite possibly, the best damn English teacher the world has ever seen. I mean, this guy means business! Mr. Reed (no nicknames from students for this guy!) is a hardcore disciplinarian, and definitely one to correct your word usage. He's well-known for saying things like, "No, you did not accidentally leave your homework in your locker. You did not trip, fall, and leave it in your locker, did you? No, you mistakenly left it. Now go get it. Do it again and you'll have lunch detention." Everyone in my class had a love-hate relationship with the old man. We loved him and his life lessons (and he could ramble on about some life lessons, let me tell ya), but hated him once we got in trouble. Typical eighth graders. Anyways, the guy made me understand that putting in effort is, you know, a good thing.

7. Mary Frances Rudy has provided me with more cultural experiences than I ever thought possible. With my Mimi, I've been swimming with dolphins and stingrays, met some extremely interesting people (not nearly as interesting as the stingrays, though!), and wandered aimlessly through art galleries on cruise ships. This woman is a piece of work, for sure, but she's also an incredible person. Thanks to her, I've done things many people may never have the chance to do- and I've also learned not to take such things for granted. I squeeze the most I can out of every trip I go on with her, every play I see.

There you have it. Those people have had profound effects on my life in general; I didn't bother listing the obvious (my mum and dad for making it all possible, hehe... oh God, the mental images... ew). I certainly hope you've enjoyed this weird little insight into my world. I've said some things that I haven't really ever told anyone- how odd that the first entity I share them with should be the internet.

This post required quite a bit of soul-searching, let me tell you. I mean, there are tons of people I know have changed me- that wasn't the hard bit. The difficult part was figuring out how they'd changed me. I mean, seriously! You ever tried to think about it?