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Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The peta cookbook uses the word 'nuke' more than half the time to replace the traditional word, 'microwave.' As in, "nuke for 1 minute, or until cheese is melted." That word never fails to amuse me. Nuke, nuke, nukity nuke.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day."Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, and we're Jewish," she says, "will God get mad at me if I give someone a valentine?"Her father thinks for a moment, then replies. "No, I don't think he would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?""Osama Bin Laden," she says."Why him?" Melissa's father says, reeling back in shock."Well," Melissa says, "I thought if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, then he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved him and how he didn't hate anyone any more."Her father's heart swells as he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that is the most wonderful thing I've ever heard someone say.""I know," Melissa says. "And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines can shoot the fucker and really kill him."
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Then I stopped using AIM.
So, were any of you ever involved in this? Ah, the good old days.
4. Barack Obama accepts Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing
3. Farrah Fawcett dies
2. Michael Jackson dies
And the biggest news story of 2009... is...
1. So, wait... MJ didn't do it?!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
I saw an old- no, ancient- Asian-looking woman in Publix today. She was wearing a bright green tee that said (in red letters adorned with mistletoe along the edges), "How naughty do you think I've been this year?"
I giggled and pointed this out to my grandmother. She leaned in and whispered, "Not very, I'd guess, with that hip replacement."
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
There's only 10 days left to vote, and you know you want me to know which sites you use. Okay? So just slide the cursor on over there and do some clickin'. It takes, like, three seconds.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my forties I find it even better!
About a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were inconclusive and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Generally, people agree that the United States had no prior knowledge that his attack would take place. Of course, people also used to generally believe that the world was flat. (Then again, people also generally believe that humans usually have fingernails. What now?)
What I'm getting at is that many conspiracy theorists out there believe that the Roosevelt administration had prior knowledge of the attack on Pearl Harbor, which was purposefully ignored in order to gain public and Congressional support for America entering the war on the side of the British Empire and her allies.
Some believe this; most don't. However, theorists that challenge the traditional belief that the attack was a suprise do have a few good points.
For example, Roosevelt very much wanted to get involved in the war against Germany (though it was not publicly stated). To quote Wikipedia:
"A basic understanding of the political situation of 1941 precludes such an understanding as reasonable evidence Roosevelt invited, allowed, or even knew of the Pearl Harbor attack. Military historian and novelist, Thomas Fleming, argues that President Roosevelt, himself, had wished for Germany or Japan to strike the first blow, but did not expect the United States to be hit as severely as she was in the attack on Pearl Harbor. Even though it was Japan, not Germany, who actually attacked the U.S. fleet, America still officially entered the war in the European theater four days later after Germany declared war on the U. S."
I do believe that there is evidence that we don't know everything there is to know about the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor; howevecr, I won't go so far as to say that Roosevelt and his administration had prior knowledge of the strength of the attack.
What do you think? Even if you think it's a load of crap, I'd at least like to hear a word of respect for the soldiers that went down.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I guess the voice sounds like him, but Jesus Christ, people.
According to a mysterious, unnamed source (read: my stepmom, who saw it on the news- hey, it isn't like I gave her name out!), the woman was paid $25,000 to claim she had twenty encounters with Tiger.