Falling

Someone- though I certainly have no idea who- once said, "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."

I've never given someone in whom I was romantically interested that level of trust. If things didn't work out, I didn't want to be left with a broken heart. And, invariably, things wouldn't work out (generally with me being the one to end things).

So when I got past that one-month mark in my current relationship without having qualms about the relationship or contemplating dumping him or anything of the sort, it struck something in me. For about a week, I distanced myself from the world while I considered the situation. I wasn't finding myself fantasizing about future relationships, I didn't find everything he did irritating, none of that.

I'd previously come to the conclusion that because my biological dad and my mother separated when I was two (and I haven't seen him face-to-face since), and then my mother and the man who raised me separated when I was thirteen, and then later my mother and her fiance broke things off, I have a bit of a commitment issue. I'm always looking forward, at the end, at what is going to wrong and fuck things up to permanently end the relationship. Because with every other guy, I'd caught myself doing that (if I hadn't already lost interest).

But with this guy... instead of picturing us fighting when it's time to go off to college, I picture us discussing things, and going to colleges near each other. He acts like we're going to be together forever- get married, have kids, the whole spiel- and it doesn't bother me like it always did with everyone else.