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One of those crazy teen blogger types. Completely bribe-able with coffee. An INTP.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Suddenly, I'm Agnostic

Six months ago, I was lying on my back and staring up at the ceiling, wondering what would happen if I decided I didn't believe in God. I eventually reckoned that, despite my instincts, there would be no explosions, no Voz de Dios, not even a bunch of light getting all in my eyes. That was when I first realized that the world would not fall apart if my religious beliefs ever crumbled to bits.

For a few months, I was okay. I was forced to go to church, which I found- and still find- horrid. I was told by my step-father not to turn into an atheist.

In church, I started to see little inconsistencies in the Bible. The differences between what the different preachers taught. The bigotry and hypocrisy as well. It bothered me.

Then, I started wondering what would happen if an atheist led a good life, helped tons of people, and was generally a good person. Would they still be sentenced to an eternity of burning? My brain was starting to refuse to even try to make sense of it.

I asked for opinions on the good!Atheist subject on Facebook. I got into a discussion with a Christian (fairly laidback guy), two strong atheists (one of whom was trolling for about fifty comments, pretending to be a crazy fanatical Christian), and a newly-converted Wiccan (he's "trying it out" at the insistence of his girlfriend; in my opinion, you don't "try out" beliefs, you believe them, but that's a different story entirely).

I walked away from that conversation an agnostic theist.

Not even twenty-four hours later, and I'm a strong agnostic. I can't prove the existence of God, and neither can you. (Just don't let any of my relatives hear that this is what I think, heehee. Not kidding.)

Probably the best summary I could find is this: "I believe that it is simply not possible to ascertain whether there is a divine godlike force at the heart of the universe. The question is unanswerable."

And just a quote that works for me: "I find enough mystery in mathematics to satisfy my spiritual needs." -Tom Lehrer

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