Scream: Mary Surratt Edition

Mary Surratt. You've probably heard her name before. She was the first woman to hang in the United States. She was convicted of conspiracy to murder Abraham Lincoln. Bad person, yes?

Except her *military* trial was rigged. Basic rights were grossly denied her. She shouldn't have even had a damn military trial, she should have had a civil trial with a jury of her peers, not a bunch of generals- good friends of Lincoln, angrily grieving their loss.

Still, she was just a bad person who just got the harsh treatment she deserved, right?

Her attorney, Mr. Aiken, asked a DC court for a writ of habeus corpus with the argument that the military tribunal had no jurisdiction over his client. The writ was issued at 3 AM. President Johnson cancelled the writ at 11:30 AM. She was walked out to hang at 1:15 PM. From the scaffold, one of the others set to hang (Powell) said, "Mrs. Surratt is innocent. She doesn't deserve to die with the rest of us." She complained that the bindings about her arms hurt, and the officer preparing her said, "Well, it won't hurt long."

Bitches be bitches.

Why do we not learn of occasions such as this in history class? Is it because that may spoil our allegiance to the flag? We are being indoctrinated into the national cult, the history of which we are not even fully aware.

Please, take your time to learn a little about the hell some have gone through at the expense of liberty before you go around declaring America to be the greatest country in existence.

Relationshit Rambling

So there's this guy. Same guy I was describing last post. He calls me "m'lady" on Facebook, or sometimes "madame." He uses old words and lolspeak in the same sentence. I don't know him like I knew Pansy Boy or Macarrones or even the President. The extent of our interaction has been Facebook conversations. Over 3000 IMs and messages have been exchanged, according to Facebook.

But I can't make myself be rational like I usually am. With Macarrones, it was all, "I'm not attracted to you in a romantic manner, therefore we shouldn't date." And with Pansy Boy, it was, "I can't stand you and your sense of humor ninety percent of the time, and my life isn't a romcom, so we shouldn't date." With the President, it was, "You don't feel the same way. I get it. I'm moved on now." Edit: Bahaha, yeah right. "Moved on," my ass.

But with this guy, I can't be rational like that. I can't just say to myself, "You don't know him." And it sucks. I'm not good at just giving it all up and being happy, especially after the whole Pansy Boy ordeal and all my new little rules and self-discipline about using the l-word. I'd say, "Maybe he's here to tell me I have to break those rules," but, like I said before, my life isn't a romantic comedy. My life is a shitty indie film. There's a difference, and I accept that.

And at the same time, I don't even want to try to be rational. Anyone else in my situation would sit here and listen to Lily Allen and smile like a fool and say, "Fuck the work for my online class, I'm getting on Spiral Knights." But no. I'm me, so of course that wouldn't work.

The fuck do I have a blog?

By the way, the title of this post should link to the most awesome virtual mix tape ever for the state of my mind right now. You're welcome.

I See How It Is

I realized something interesting a few moments ago: none of the guys who have asked me out had to deal with my shit when we were growing up (like, in middle school when I was an even bigger bitch/antisocial super-nerd than I am now- I know, it seems impossible, but it's true!). None of them. Here's the laundry list:

1. He's in the grade below me. We met through a friend. He's asked me out twice now.
2. He's in my grade, but he moved here in the middle of my freshman year. Technically, he hasn't asked me out, but according to a few folks, he has a thing for me.
3. Also in my grade, but this one moved here the summer before sophomore year.
4. The grade below me. Friend of a friend. First real relationship. Ended recently. 'Nuff said, I do believe.

Blargh. I see how it is. Bitches.

Facebook Fiend

If you're my friend on Facebook, you can probably access my USPS account online. How? Here are the security questions you can choose from on the USPS website, and here's how easy it is to find the answers.

What is your mother's maiden name? Ha! Just go to my profile, find the section where it displays my parents, and there you go.

What is your favorite movie? You know where you put in all your favorite movies in your profile? Remember how last time you watched Titanic you wouldn't shut up about how much you love that movie?

What is your favorite sport? If it's your favorite sport, you probably play. If you play, you probably mention it at some point or another.

What is your favorite food to eat? (A.D.D. Moment: What else would my favorite food be for?) Again, I've probably mentioned my favorite food a thousand times. Every time I eat it, I'm all, "OMG!"

What is the name of your pet? Are you for serious? All you have to do is troll my profile for "I'm feeding the damn cat again. God, I hate you, Bootsy." I mean, Jeebus, you don't even have to be my Facebook friend- just read through my blog archive!

What is your favorite holiday? This is a crappy question. There aren't all that many holidays- it's a matter of trial and error. Again, you don't even have to be my Facebook friend. Just guess.

In what city were you born in? (Another A.D.D. Moment: You don't have to say "in" twice, stupid.) This is a lot like the "mother's maiden name" question. Skip to my birthplace on my Facebook profile and type in the city.

USPS's only saving grace (and also its curse) is that you have to have your username in order to reset your password. I'm sure we've all forgotten our username at some point or other, and it's right frustrating to be told you can't even get an email reminder for it. Also, if you reset your password, all stored credit card information will be deleted. Just in case you decided you wanted to use my credit card to buy a huge P.O. box for 12 months for $600.

If you have my username, you probably have my email address. It's easy enough to figure out the answers to those questions as well- all Facebook-able within an hour or so.

In other words, I really hope none of my Facebook friends have any interest in my USPS account, because if they do, I'm completely screwed.

Retarded 3rd Grade Question

Are you smarter than a 3rd grader? My 3rd grade sister apparently isn't.

Question from "Brain Quest: Math Basics (3rd Grade)" (bolding added by me) was this: "Mr. and Mrs. Lee are the parents of 3 sons. Each son has 1 sister. How many children in all?"

She thought it was six, which makes total sense. One girl to each boy: three boys, three girls, six children total. Apparently, though, it's four. Why? Because that book is irritating.

The answer: "Four. The brothers all have the same sister."

THE FUCK? I believe a nice XKCD comic is necessary here.

Polvyore 'Brand' Filter Not Working?

Is anyone else having the same problem I am? The 'brand' filter in Polyvore (a free online outfit builder- tons of fun, a link is in the title of this post) isn't working! It has that gray "you-can't-use-this" overlay. 


Just curious; am I the only one this is happening to? Can't find anything about it elsewhere on the interwebs.


Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go make some lunch. For my belly.

Girls Rule the Blogosphere, says NYT

Uhm, what the hell? This post by the New York Times- yes, go read it, I'll wait- implies that people should be surprised by the fact that more teenage girls blog than boys. Since when are all computer users male? Since when do females not have free range over the internet, just as males do? Blegh.

The phrases the author uses even annoy me. Here are a few:

"This 'girls rule' trend..."

"'Girls are trained to make stories about themselves,'"

"From a young age they learn that they are objects,"

"'This would be called the feminization of the Internet,'"

"'Boys... engage in ways that aren’t confessional, that aren’t emotional.'"

"'The girls are much more into putting something up and getting responses.'"

What the fuck? Plenty of guys blog. Here's a starter list:

My Name is Logan

Something Like That

Cafe Denim

I'm Bloginit!

There. There's four I follow. Now, go visit them and tell me they're just as funny as I am. (But not funnier, because that would offend me, haha.)