Megan Fox (From a Chick's Point of View)

I've never been one to shy away from the fact that I have a very sexual mind. When I see boobs, I see boobs. Not breasts. I mean, I don't wanna feel them up, but I do compare them to my own. I often think about what I find attractive about men, and I think about what men find attractive about women.

One of the things that always comes up when guys are talking about hot girls is Megan Fox. It's like she's an entity, not a person.

A divine being?

I can admit as a straight chick that Megan Fox is a very attractive woman. But have you seen her thumb? It's pretty funky. Google that shit. If I was a dude, that might distract me from the rest of her body. Ewwh.

Gender Bender (or, She Says/She Says)

My friend and I recently got into a discussion about religion (mostly female preachers), and other things you're not supposed to discuss at the dinner table. It's okay, though, because we weren't eating at the table- we were eating on her bedroom floor, and there were no sharp objects involved.

Disclaimer: If you can't keep calm while you're commenting, wait a day or so. Your blood pressure should be at a normal or only slightly elevated level when you comment. You can disagree with anything we say- we won't be offended- but please, for the sake of your dignity and my bandwidth, don't argue. Debate? Sure. But argue? Save it for the playground.

She is of the opinion that God made men first and gave woman to man as a companion, therefore man comes first in the household and in the church- BUT that does not give him the right to control all aspects of a woman's life. He simply stands in front, which by default means he "takes the bullet" for the woman. So, in her words: "Yeah, he can be the head of the household, and have the final say, but when shit hits the fan he's the one that's going to be stinking."

I am of the opinion that God made men first and gave woman to man as a companion. However, I believe that companions are equal. I'm not saying women are better than men, or that we should dominate the household; I'm just saying that women should be given the chance, the opportunity, and/or the "privelege" to protect and defend herself. Should she be able to rely on her man? Yeah, definitely. Whatever floaties your boaty. Should she have to? I don't think so. They need to stand beside each other. In my words: "When the shit hits the fan, we all need a long, hot shower and some baked goods."

Enough said, probably. Thoughts? Opinions? Leave a comment!

Oh, PUH-lease

Honestly, sometimes I can barely stand my own species. My own gender, even.

Women need to stop acting all shocked and angry when they notice a guy "noticing" their breasts. Seriously, it's what guys do. They see boobs, they're gonna look. It doesn't matter if you're a 30B or a 46D. Men like breasts. That's why they've invented all sorts of names for them. (This is also why there's four words for fried batter and only one word for love... think about it.)

"But Artemis," some will plea, "it's degrading! We're as good as men, so they shouldn't treat us any differently!" No, you stupid. You are too different from that guy: you have boobs. And anyways, if no guy checked you out for a whole month, you'd start bitching about it.

So, yeah. Just so all my male readers know, no, you will never win with these women. It's impossible.

Songwriting...

It's one really easy way to make things awkward. I think that all songwriters should receive a manual. What would be in this manual, you ask? Well, for starters, it would probably tell you in big, bold letters on the first page- possibly even before the table of contents, right after the publication info page- that you should never, under any circumstances, inform the person about whom the song is written that the song is in fact written about them. Nor should you use their actual name within the song. Either make up a name or omit the whole name problem entirely, adding a term of endearment with the same number of syllables ("babe," "sweetheart," "oh, baby,").

Those would be the kinds of things in the songwriters' manual. It shouldn't be written by Taylor Swift, I believe we can all agree. She tends to break all preconceived rules of songwriting.

Today has most certainly not been a fairy tale, dammit.

I presume you can guess what happened from the above rant.

Ugh. Males suck (no offense intended towards Logan or any of my other precious male followers- you guys can't help the shape of your genitals; it's only natural that we think you suck sometimes).

Some Guys...

1. Are smarter than we females tend to think they are.
2. Can actually be pretty romantic when they want to be.
3. Like a girl who isn't afraid to laugh at something vulgar.
4. Don't care if you boss them around every now and then.
5. Aren't afraid to roll their eyes when you do girly shit like jumping up and down.
6. Can put up with up to forty-five whole straight minutes of shopping.
7. Like to laugh with you and at you.
8. Aren't as big of pigs as some people think.
9. Cry.
10. Really do mean it when they say sorry.

But only some guys.

Real Men Wear Skinny Jeans

No, seriously. I think all guys should own at least one pair of skinny jeans, the same way every woman should own at least one pair of black, strappy three-inch stilettos. In neither case must they be worn every day (though hopefully the skinnies would be worn more than the strappies), but it's just good to own.

Granted, I'm a bit of a free spirit when it comes to fashion, but really. 

Girls? What do you think of this pic? Guys, what do you think of this?

Girls Rule the Blogosphere, says NYT

Uhm, what the hell? This post by the New York Times- yes, go read it, I'll wait- implies that people should be surprised by the fact that more teenage girls blog than boys. Since when are all computer users male? Since when do females not have free range over the internet, just as males do? Blegh.

The phrases the author uses even annoy me. Here are a few:

"This 'girls rule' trend..."

"'Girls are trained to make stories about themselves,'"

"From a young age they learn that they are objects,"

"'This would be called the feminization of the Internet,'"

"'Boys... engage in ways that aren’t confessional, that aren’t emotional.'"

"'The girls are much more into putting something up and getting responses.'"

What the fuck? Plenty of guys blog. Here's a starter list:

My Name is Logan

Something Like That

Cafe Denim

I'm Bloginit!

There. There's four I follow. Now, go visit them and tell me they're just as funny as I am. (But not funnier, because that would offend me, haha.)