Jesus Christ, I'm So Goddamn Blasphemous!

Just a little drabble-sketch my friend Persephone and I came up with.

God: "Jesus Christ, those two girls keep taking my goddamn name in vain! It's fucking annoying!"
Jesus: "Dad? Are you okay?"
God: "I'm kidding. Fuckin' Christ, Jesus, learn to take a goddamn joke."
Jesus: "I didn't know you had a sense of humor, Dad!"
God: "Fuck, of course I have a sense of humor! I made chihuahuas, didn't I? Jesus Christ, kids these days have to have everything explained right out for them."

Yeah, we're awful. We know.

Gender Bender (or, She Says/She Says)

My friend and I recently got into a discussion about religion (mostly female preachers), and other things you're not supposed to discuss at the dinner table. It's okay, though, because we weren't eating at the table- we were eating on her bedroom floor, and there were no sharp objects involved.

Disclaimer: If you can't keep calm while you're commenting, wait a day or so. Your blood pressure should be at a normal or only slightly elevated level when you comment. You can disagree with anything we say- we won't be offended- but please, for the sake of your dignity and my bandwidth, don't argue. Debate? Sure. But argue? Save it for the playground.

She is of the opinion that God made men first and gave woman to man as a companion, therefore man comes first in the household and in the church- BUT that does not give him the right to control all aspects of a woman's life. He simply stands in front, which by default means he "takes the bullet" for the woman. So, in her words: "Yeah, he can be the head of the household, and have the final say, but when shit hits the fan he's the one that's going to be stinking."

I am of the opinion that God made men first and gave woman to man as a companion. However, I believe that companions are equal. I'm not saying women are better than men, or that we should dominate the household; I'm just saying that women should be given the chance, the opportunity, and/or the "privelege" to protect and defend herself. Should she be able to rely on her man? Yeah, definitely. Whatever floaties your boaty. Should she have to? I don't think so. They need to stand beside each other. In my words: "When the shit hits the fan, we all need a long, hot shower and some baked goods."

Enough said, probably. Thoughts? Opinions? Leave a comment!

The Origin of My Decision to Give Up Relationships for Lent: A Poem

You say that you love me
Then you push me away
It's a gamble, so random
Your emotions that day

Why are people so crazy?
Why can't love be true?
All I want is some loving
Some loving from you

You used to give freely
Now it's from push and tug
Your obsession, your interest
You won't call it "Love."

"Perfect Guy" Survey

Perfect Guy Survey (with questions that actually matter) Created by stonypony and taken 4903 times on Bzoink
Appearance- because looks are first impression.
What should be the impression given by his overall appearance?:	Kept clean and neat
What would be his ideal hair color?:	Brown
What would be his ideal eye color?:	Blue or gray
What race would you prefer?:	Caucasion
What should his complection be like?:	Clear
Around how tall should he be?:	5'11"-ish
What body type?:	Skinny and not too muscular
How should he dress?:	Always a little over-dressed
What hair length do you prefer?:	Short to medium
Do you like hats on men?:	Certain types- I adore fedoras
Should he be neat and clean or a greaser?:	Neat and clean!
Are there any traits you find partiuclarly attractive?:	Well-groomed nails
Are there any traits you find particularly unattractive?:	Chapped lips
Are there any physical traits I've missed, but you feel should be mentioned:	None
Age and Economic Status- Things everyone thinks about.
What age range are you looking for?:	Meh. Right now? 13-16, probably. Later in life? Anywhere within five to ten years of my age.
Does his economic status matter?:	Not particularly.
Personality- The important stuff it takes a while to find out.
What is the single most important personality trait you look for?:	Ability to spout witticisms
What personality trait do you find most unpleasant?:	Arrogance
What are some areas of interest you would like him to share with you?:	Books, math, sci-fi and fantasy, computers
Is sense of humor important to you? Elaborate.:	Definitely! Sarcastic, twisted, a little dark, maybe even goofy every now and then. But humor is important.
Do you want a man with a protective personality?:	A little, but not overly so.
What kind of movies would you want to watch with him?:	Comedy! Parody! I want us to be able to drag each others' asses into romcoms and foreign action movies!
What kind of music would you want to listen to with him?:	All kinds
What activities would you like to share with him?:	Reading, watching movies, swimming, tennis
Would you object to a passion for sports?:	Nah, as long as it isn't overkill
Would you get jealous when he goes out with the guys?:	Hah, no! I need girl time, dude.
Should he know what you're feeling without you telling him?:	Ehh. Sometimes.
Is it important to you that he buy you gifts?:	Not at all, though it would (of course) be much appreciated.
Is it important to you that he spend a lot of time with you?:	A certain amount of bonding is expected, but not, y'know, every minute of every day. We'd get sick of each other.
Is his level of intelligence important?:	Yes; I'd prefer him be smarter than the average bear.
Would you want him to be smarter than you?:	I'd like him to be smarter than me in some areas, but dumber than me in others.
Would you want him to be your provider?:	No. I want to work.
Would he be aggressive?:	Not usually. Probably when he goes into that protective mode we discussed earlier.
Would he be ambitious?:	Yes!
Would he be tactful or blunt?:	Blunt, for sure
Is it important that he have a spirit of adventure?:	At the right times
Would you prefer a higly domestic man?:	Like, cooking and cleaning and shit? Yeah, that'd be wonderful.
Life Goals- For when it gets serious.
Do you want children?:	NO.
Do you expect to be a stay-at-home mom?:	NO.
Would you ever want to be a 'housewife'?:	NO.
What are your career goals?:	To become a master in my field
Would it bother you if his career involved a lot of travel or long hours?:	Naah.
Would you object to him being a workaholic?:	Not in the least- I'll probably be a workaholic as well.
If he has a low paying or menial job, are you still interested?:	Meh. He'll have to redeem himself in other areas.
Are you looking for marriage?:	If it feels right, then sure
In what country would you like to live?:	America or England
In what state, if U.S.?:	Haven't the foggiest. Maybe Oregon.
Would you like to live in the city, country, or suburbs?:	City, with some land out in the country
Would you want him to work close to home or commmute?:	I don't really care. Not much further than an hour away, preferably.
If you had to pick one or the other: is he a good father or a good husband?:	Husband, as I don't intend on having children.
If it came down to you or 'the baby', which would you have him choose?:	Me! I don't want kids!
If you wish to have children, how many do you wish to have?:	NONE!
What automobile would you want the two of you to have?:	Either a hippie van or a hip, trendy small car
Conservative or liberal?:	Liberal
Are politics important to you?:	Yes, but if he's willing to debate, I'm game
Beliefs- the REALLY important stuff.
What is your religion?:	Christian - Methodist
Is it important that he shares your beliefs?:	Meh. Sorta, I guess.
Would you have a relationship with someone from a different belief system?:	Depends on whether or not they intended on trying to convert me
What would you do if, after marriage, he changed his belief system?:	As I said, it would depend on whether or not I would be an attempted convert
Does your belief system allow for divorce?:	Yesh
Does your belief system allow abortion?:	No
Morning-after pill?:	FUCK IF I KNOW.
Does your belief system demand fidelity?:	What? Yes, it does.
Would you want to be his first?:	I honestly don't give a shit!
If you have different belief systems, which would be taught to any progeny?:	This is getting ridiculous! I don't want children.
Would you celebrate Christian holidays?:	Yes!
Other holidays?:	Possibly!
Would you celebrate with your family or his?:	Fuck, I suppose we'd split it up.
Finally- stuff that didn't fit anywhere else.
What kind of wedding do you want?:	A small one. In a courthouse, possibly.
Do you want pets? If so, what kinds?:	I'm not opposed to the idea. Any kind that couldn't be classified as "creepy-crawly."
Would you want him to be a college graduate?:	Yes, eventually.
What sort of background/childhood would you prefer he come from?:	One just as dysfunctional as mine
Is it important that he likes books?:	YES.
Does he like Green Day?:	Sure.
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Should Obama's Religion Matter?

Well, should it?

I don't think it should. I know a lot of people that want to vote for "wholesome" (read: money-grubbing, embezzling, fiendish) Christian men who are generally middle-aged, white, and heterosexual. I, personally, don't take that view, and here's why.

Like I've said before, I try to take ideas and political suggestions in on a case-by-case basis. I don't think Obama's right for our country at this point in time, but do still take the time to think about and really consider what he says. I still arrive at "Hell no!" most of the time, but every now and then I agree with a little something or other he's said. Granted, I can't think of any of these occasions off the top of my head, but I'm sure there are some.

Anyways, my original question was, "Should Obama's religion matter? Why or why not?" My answer is, "No, and because I firmly believe in the separation of church and state." I'm not alone, in that belief, either. All our founding fathers- as far as my research can tell- were Christians who were heavily influenced by Deist beliefs. They were heavily involved in the Enlightenment movement, not zealots spreading the word of God. George Washington was not running from religious persecution when the United States of America was founded. (That was the Pilgrims; the period of history we're talking here is centuries later.) What Washington and the other important figures in our nation's creation- hey, that rhymed!- were fighting (not running from, but fighting- they were pretty badass) was simply taxation without representation.

My country was not founded on Christian beliefs, and therefore I do not think that whether or not Obama is a Christian should really matter. Does he cheat on his wife? He's not a good guy, but as long as he's still fulfilling his duties as our President, he stays. Does he make his daughter marry her rapist because he refuses to let her birth a child out of wedlock? Once again, he's a jerk, but we have to put up with him. Does he violate the Constitution? Kick the bastard out.

I don't care what he does in his spare time. I don't care if he only goes to Church on Easter and Christmas, or if he's there every Sunday. I also don't care if he's Jewish. And quite frankly, I don't give a damn if he's atheist. In my opinion, that's his loss, but I repeat, that's simply my opinion. I don't bring this up when I'm talking politics. Why? Because I don't think it matters. I can't repeat that enough.

This sounds basic and crude, but I just want him to do his damn job, and I want him to do it right. As long as he doesn't do illegal or unconstitutional things "for his faith," then what does it matter? I want my president to not bring his faith into his politics. I don't care if he doesn't think a man and another man should be allowed to get married. I honest-to-God could not care less. However, I will begin to care when he approves bills that ban gay marriage. Is there any reason out there for this that isn't religious?

I know, I always end up going back to gay marriage, but that, animal welfare, and domestic abuse are my three causes I always freak out over. Sorry.

Anyways, this post contains way more rambling than I originally intended. What do you think? Should Obama's (or any politician's) religious faith matter?

Top 10 Lies Teachers Have Told Me

We've all been lied to at some point or other: "Coffee will stunt your growth." "Santa won't bring you anything if you keep acting like that, you little shit." "I love you." Being lied to is a part of life, something you just have to get used to unless you're a character in a Ricky Gervais movie. As it turns out, our beloved teachers and educators (not always the same people, y'know) are no different than the rest of us when it comes to twisting the truth.

10. "No, Harry Potter does not relate to the standard curriculum in any way, shape, or form."
9. "Not to worry! Our cafeteria has many vegetarian options!"
8. "Of course immortals aren't real. Nothing lives forever."
7. "Our nation's founders were all good, Christian men."
6. "High school is difficult to adjust to."
5. "Former President Bush is an intelligent man."
4. "This won't be on the exam, so don't worry."
3. "Why, yes, this theorem has many real-life applications!"
2. "Sarcastic people never get far in life, Artemis."
1. "Of course I didn't vote for President Obama!"

7 People Who Have Changed My Life

There are a lot of people who change your life every day. That obnoxious guy in third period made you roll your eyes, the stranger who almost ran over you made you give him the bird, and the cashier/bagger duo at Publix made you laugh at their antics.

However, these aren't the people I'm talking about. Although they influence you in some minuscule way or other, they don't have a lasting impression on you (or at least, they usually don't). No, in this post, I'm going to focus on the people who have changed the way I see myself and the world.

1. Katie Collins has made me closer to God. Whatever feelings of irritation I originally felt that she was so religious are now gone, permanently replaces with a deep feeling of gratitude. Without her, I would never have felt as close to God as I do now. We may have a few fuzzy differences in opinion when it comes to worship, prayer, and the like, but that doesn't matter in the long run: without her, I would never have even believed in God, and would have committed suicide last November when I was convinced there was nobody in the who gave a flying fuck about me. I thank Katie for assuring me that there's much more than a crowd of people who care about me: I've got the big guy in the sky on my side.

2. Ryan Philipp has made me love history. History's one of my passions now, but I would probably still think of it as boring if it weren't for Coach Phil. The first day of class, I thought, "Now this guy really loves history." Well, yeah, you say. He's a history teacher, for Christ's sake. Still, though, I was surprised by the way Phil (as we students affectionately call him) managed to be so enthusiastic about what I had, until that point, thought of as the one subject where even the teachers seem to have a bit of distaste for it. I became determined to figure out why this man was so interested in history, and I'm glad to say that I found some amazing things in my textbook. (Well, okay, in the lecture notes, seeing as we never used our textbook, but whatever.)

3. Gregory Onision has made me vegetarian. He was the first one to convince me that eating animals isn't only immoral, it's also not healthy. Through his videos on YouTube, I discovered things- over the course of a few days- it would have taken me months to find out any other way. His videos encompass a wide range of other things, too, so even when I'm not in the mood to be re-lectured on how meat isn't just murder, it's suicide, I can still have a challenging three and a half minutes, thinking logically about what he's said. Onision isn't preaching, he's informing. (Thank Merlin for that.)

4. Amy Gleaves, whether or not she meant to, made my life a living hell for a few months. I burned myself with matches and lighters (no scars are left from that, thank God), I couldn't concentrate on anything, and I had to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline four times over the course of three weeks. I finally found a way to literally move away from the situation, but being around her still hurts. I don't think this woman will ever fully understand the extent of the damage and havoc her presence wreaked on my body. I don't blame her 100%, but I know I will never- no matter what anyone says- be able to see her as an innocent bystander when it comes to my mental health.

5. Regina Spektor- yes, the singer- has inspired me to write music. I am teaching myself to play piano, and it's going pretty well, if I do say so myself. I'm in the process of adding music to my previously vocals-only songs. The amazing ReSpekt is not the only person responsible for my not-incredibly-sudden foray into the world of music, but she's definitely played a major role. Her music is very unique, and since I first heard a song by her, I've wanted to sound as great as she does (with my own style, of course).

6. Steve Reed gave me discipline. He is, quite possibly, the best damn English teacher the world has ever seen. I mean, this guy means business! Mr. Reed (no nicknames from students for this guy!) is a hardcore disciplinarian, and definitely one to correct your word usage. He's well-known for saying things like, "No, you did not accidentally leave your homework in your locker. You did not trip, fall, and leave it in your locker, did you? No, you mistakenly left it. Now go get it. Do it again and you'll have lunch detention." Everyone in my class had a love-hate relationship with the old man. We loved him and his life lessons (and he could ramble on about some life lessons, let me tell ya), but hated him once we got in trouble. Typical eighth graders. Anyways, the guy made me understand that putting in effort is, you know, a good thing.

7. Mary Frances Rudy has provided me with more cultural experiences than I ever thought possible. With my Mimi, I've been swimming with dolphins and stingrays, met some extremely interesting people (not nearly as interesting as the stingrays, though!), and wandered aimlessly through art galleries on cruise ships. This woman is a piece of work, for sure, but she's also an incredible person. Thanks to her, I've done things many people may never have the chance to do- and I've also learned not to take such things for granted. I squeeze the most I can out of every trip I go on with her, every play I see.

There you have it. Those people have had profound effects on my life in general; I didn't bother listing the obvious (my mum and dad for making it all possible, hehe... oh God, the mental images... ew). I certainly hope you've enjoyed this weird little insight into my world. I've said some things that I haven't really ever told anyone- how odd that the first entity I share them with should be the internet.

This post required quite a bit of soul-searching, let me tell you. I mean, there are tons of people I know have changed me- that wasn't the hard bit. The difficult part was figuring out how they'd changed me. I mean, seriously! You ever tried to think about it?

This is Offensive

Warning: I may very well piss you off. In fact, I probably will.

I don't really end up conforming to a certain set of political beliefs. I'm not liberal. I'm not conservative. Here's my take on some of the most prominent differences:

1. I think citizens should be allowed to carry guns. I don't think it should be nearly as difficult as it currently is to get a permit.
2. I think abortion should be up to the woman. She is the one who has to carry the fetus inside of her for nine months.
3. I don't think teenagers should have to have parental consent to get a condom or The Pill.
4. I think minors should have to have parental consent to get an abortion, unless they're emancipated (since it's a surgery).
5. Politicians' religious views (and/or their homophobia) should not be brought into the legislative process, dammit.
6. I think people should be able to marry whatever gender suits them (male/male, male/female, female/female- it doesn't matter).
7. Reverse-discrimation is not the solution to racism.
8. Immigrants (here's a shout-out to Costa and Louis!) shouldn't have such a hard time gaining legal citizenship. This should be as simple as signing up for the SAT. Get Mexico to cooperate. Make sure they pass the test. Make sure they aren't a felon. BOOM. Citizenship.

That's all I can think of now. If I think of any more, I may add to this and create a series.