There's This Guy

Okay, so there's this guy. Boos from audience. A random crowd member screams, "Give us some real news!" Oh, shut up, George. Anyways, the guy. Yeah. Oh, all right, I'll tell you about him, if you insist.

One time he asked, "Why are we the same person with different genders? And operating systems?" It stuck with me (obviously). Absolutely cracks me up. Because we really are eerily similar. I don't really know if they're deep similarities or superficial ones; I can never tell the difference (you know me, I can hack the shit out of your computer and dress to kill, but I can't- yet- understand the human mind). But we are similar on certain levels.

He gets my sense of humor. I don't have to explain the joke or defend myself after saying something snarky. Wanna know why? He's the same way. When I say something without thinking, he doesn't make me feel like I really should've thought that one all the way through, darling. No, he just lols or luls or whatever it is he's doing that day. And I appreciate that.

He makes me feel just right, intellectually speaking. I don't feel like a genius talking to him, but I don't feel like a moron, either. That's very important to me- I don't want to feel like an idiot when I'm talking to someone, but I don't want to have to explain every other word or thought process. And with him, it's neither of those. It's like for one of the first times ever- and I don't mean to sound like a bitch here or to be snippy towards anyone else- I'm talking to someone I think I can relate to. He's about my age and on a similar intellectual level, from what I can tell. That hasn't ever really happened before. It's quite fun.

He has plans for when the zombies come. Really? That's just fucking awesome. There is nothing as absolutely hawt as someone who could survive the motherfucking zombie apocalypse. 'Nuff said on that.

He doesn't seem to mind when I swear. At least, I don't think he does. Unless him telling me that his parents snoop on his computer so to keep it clean was a lie and he just doesn't like it when I swear. Hmm. Now I'm paranoid. (I watched the Matrix for the first time tonight- can you tell?)

He seems to genuinely want to talk to me. And that, my friend, is probably the most important thing of all. 'Cause I want to talk to him, too.

My Zombie Apocalypse Bug Out Bag

I was surfing through the Zombie Survival Wiki and came across this brilliant little euphemism: the Bug Out Bag (link in title of post). I call it a euphemism because I think a far more appropriate name would be the "Holy Shit! Zombies! IMMA GET OUTTA HURR! Bag." But I digress.

Range Weapons: Slingshot (for rocks), JT's gun/ammo,

Melee Weapons: Hammer,
Food & Water: Bottle of Gatorade, bottle of Coke, two bottles of water, vitamins, jar of peanut butter, English muffins,
Lighting: Flashlight, candles, keychain with LED light,
Information: Two notebooks, pens, pencils,
Communication: Walkie-talkies and spare batteries, cell phone and charger,
Survival: Whistle (rape or survival, doesn't matter), mini-mirror,
Clothing: Spare jeans, jacket (worn, not carried, if possible), socks, spare tennis shoes
Camp Kitchen: Fork, spoon, bowl, empty can,
Fire Starting: Lighter, matches, second notebook
Entertainment: Playing cards, Apples to Apples To Go,
Hunting/Fishing: Heh. Crap. Whoops. Next.
Optics: Glasses, spare glasses, prescription sunglasses in the case,

Personal Hygiene: Toothbrush, toothpaste, chapstick, small bottle of hand sanitizer,
Shelter: Fuzzy red blanket, small pillow,
Maintenance/Tools: Glasses cleaner and cloth,
Repair Kit/Supplies: Duct tape, scissors, super glue, pocketknife with the little mini-tool things, two screwdrivers (different heads)
First Aid Kit: Band-aids, hydrogen peroxide, gauze, Tylenol,

Carrier or Bag: Purple hiking backpack thing,
Other/Special: Pepper spray,

Why Not?

I recently got tagged by the wonderful Jules in this post by Jules and Val. I have to list five random facts about myself. Why not?

1) I skipped a grade. I did the first semester of kindergarten, then the last semester of first grade.
2) I have a hatred for alcohol. Not sure why. But it is gross, and smells terrible, and I don't like it.
3) Nonetheless, I crack up when I see drunk people. Not hobo-drunk, just crazy-drunk.
4) I've been to Canada, Mexico, Panama, Belize, Honduras, Jamaica, and the Cayman Islands.
5) Right now, I'm in an airport where indoor smoking isn't allowed. W00T!! :D

Okay, that's enough.

Now I tag: nobody. End of the line here. Meh.

Top Ten News Moments of 2009

5. Tiger Woods is a cheating bastard
4. Barack Obama accepts Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing
3. Farrah Fawcett dies
2. Michael Jackson dies

And the biggest news story of 2009... is...

1. So, wait... MJ didn't do it?!

1. I Am...

A) Heartbroken,
B) A bad person,
C) Ready to just hurry up and die, or
D) All of the above.

And the answer is... D!

Don't you just love multiple choice tests?

Writing...

... is enjoyable, but it's also a right pain in the butt. Who would have thought that writing for a blog about my life would be so difficult? I have many things going wrong; there's no shortage of stuff to write about, certainly!

I suppose for a while there (19 days... wow) I just couldn't be bothered to complain to strangers about all the crap I have going on. Ah, well. My bad attitude is back on its way in! :-)

A few things I have to say, related both to me and the site.

1. I am doing a site makeover. Another one, you ask? Yes, another one. I'm starting to feel antsy about the look of the blog. I just need to find the perfect layout. Any suggestions from the crowd?

2. I'm broke. I want to buy Christmas presents for friends and family (soon I'll have a little wish list button in the sidebar where you can see the gifts). If you're feeling generous, a donation of even a dollar would be much appreciated. There's a donation button somewhere in the sidebar, likely near the wish list.

3. I... forgot what I was going to say. Oh, well.

That's it for now! Expect more frequent posts from now on.

Top 5 Things I LOL About in Gas Stations

I wrote this in the car in a composition notebook (okay, so maybe it was the slam book...) after coming out of the filthiest gas station ever.

5. The signs on the walls always talk about hygienics, and washing your hands, and keeping healthy, but there's usually a rather visual fungus somewhere in the place.

4. The Coke is nestled between the Vault and the Bud Lite.

3. There are posters and flags adorning the walls to represent every losing team in that region of the country, but never any for good teams. (Note: more prominent in the middle of nowhere.)

2. The cashier (who is usually of a minority race) looks stoned probably 98% of the time.

And the number one thing I LOL about in gas stations...

is...

1. In the bathrooms, the flavored condoms are smack in between the 'orgasmic erection rings' and the tampons. You can one of any of those for 75 cents each.